Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Randomize
