I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
