When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
