I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
