he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Randomize
