really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
