hotel room ftw
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
