You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
im drinking this country out of the recession.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
