who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
