I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
