Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
