She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I currently don't understand fingers.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
