I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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