hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
