I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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