I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
