My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
