two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
My breasts were aching with rage.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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