I faked an abortion last night.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
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