remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
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