The maid of honor just puked.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
