i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
even my farts smell like vagina
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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