I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
