id be glad to
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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