it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
