I have demons in me.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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