someone get that fucking seahorse.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
