this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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