The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
