i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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