he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
