I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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