Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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