dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
