i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
