she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
