i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
