a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
