omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
