Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Randomize
