i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Randomize
