I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Randomize
