well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
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