SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Randomize
