I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I just found puke in my bra..
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
