theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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