The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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