mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
