i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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