i just google imaged poop.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Randomize
